Everybody, who is important to me, calls me Kati. Katalin is an official accost, and also when I was a child, and my father was angry with me, he always called me Katalin. This is why I prefer to be Kati.
I would like to start a bit early with my introduction. I grew up in Izsák, a small town in Hungary, which is not a town anymore, but a city. Many times, it was unpleasant – everybody associated wine and champaigne with this place. I used to work a lot on family lands, as a child, I learned what agriculture means. I can proudly say, I leared what the land can give, the grain, out of what our daily bread is made. My father baked not only the town’s but the area’s best bread, he was a master baker. That time, everybody knew Rácz baker and Rácz bread.
As a child, I spent a lot of time helping family business, working as a valet. Then, sitting next to the big furnace I practiced 1x1. My father was listening to me and corrected if I said something incorrect, even while kneading 100 kilogramms of noodles. My parents worked a lot!
My mother had to teach me cook early, and usually she passed my younger sister to me to take care of. I remember, when I was 7-8 years old, my schoolmates could play released, but I always had something to work in the bakery. And every time I would have liked to play a child - I forgot what time do I have to go home, when the bread will be ready, when it has to be taken out of the furnace – I heard Katalin many times. Today, those are all sweet memories, but that time, it was not easy.
First of all, we received a chatolic upbringing from our mother. That times, I used to go to religion classes, which meant some kind of discrimination, though I would not say it was negative. We all knew that our teachers had to fit into the system, and at the same time, everybody did what he thought it’s the best. So me and my friends were very enthusiastic to go to the mass early in the morning, and to pray rosary. This is how I grew up.
Slowly, as world has changed, and this was in the middle of 70’s, some kind of a rebel started to build up in myslef. I had to think about choosing a highschool. I don’t know what made me move this time, but I didn’t want to stay in that environment. I made up my mind, and wanted to go to Budapest with my best friend.
In September, 1976 I started Patrona Hungariae Highschool, meaning I left my home.
Yes, now I feel, something was torn then, which I very much miss today!
I found myself in a world, that was obvious for many people, but for me it meant the big world.
I clearly remember the statement of Valentina sister, when signing up in Patrona, which sounded like ’the sophemore girls have to be tolerated, when they go to dancing school’! Now, this is when I decided, I will not be amongst those girls.
This was true until 6th December, 1977. That time, in the dancing school lead by uncle Bruno, a guy from another religious, ’male’ school appreared, who then later became the number one person in my life.
I fell in love! And I don’t mind! He meant the reason of my life for decades. He even means now!
In 1980, I started my collage studies in Pető Institute, and I graduated in 1984. This was the second most imporant milestone in my life. This still follows me in my life. Disabled people will always be the part of my life – in any way!
So, I graduated in 1984. On the 4th of August was the happiest day of my life. I took an oath in front of God, which I don’t want to take back!
In 1987, Monkia was born, then in 1988, Dorottya. We were very happy! I don’t know how we didi t, but sometimes it was hard even to make every days. But we made it!
In the meantime, a friendly community was born, with whom we built a chatolic, family community. Many nice memories!
Then came the 90’s, about which I can not tell you a lot. I am not proud of these years. The everyday problems grabbed me, unfortunately. I can only be greatful, that after all, I can be here today!
On the summer of 2001, we spent our time in our weekend house next to the river Danube, when Monika was reading the newspaper, and she shouted: ’Mom, don’t we want to go to America? Here is an offer.’
From that time on, everything turned out very interesting. From February, 2002, I started to work in America. There was time when my family joined me, but this was not easy, knowing the immigration law of the States. My husband left a very successful engineer job behind, and I could not let him give it all up.
Then a few years came, when today, everybody says: ’so, why are you surprised?’
After all, those were very nice years! I think we were happy! The girls went their own way, and we could enjoy our own world: we were riding the motorcylces and enjoyed the Hungarian baths.
Around 2008, I started to feel not so good. I can’t really draw up why not. Anyway, I was not in an easy situation.
In January, 2010, I realized that my husband decided, after 26 years, not to continue his life on my side.
Yes, I am guilty. I am continously seeking, where I made mistakes. I would like to forgive myself, because it was not only me. Besides, some bacis feelings started to change within me, because from the age of 16, my life was built up around the man, who I knew we were meant to be toghether. I became somebody, who was desired by our relationship, and now, at the age of 52, I don’t really know who is Rácz Kati.
Many things changed during these 3 years in me. After spending 12 years in America, thanks to God, I started to understand, nothing happens without a meaning. I know, the pain I had to and I have to suffer, will serve my future life. I still don’t know how, but I believe. I believe, I have to become a better person, I have to accept the plans that God has towards me, and complete the journey that leads to Him. Because this is my goal. Nearly two years ago, I woke up from my dream on a lonely night of my 50th birthday. In my dream, my mother, who passed away a few months before, was petting my face with her unforgetable hands, saying: my ’little’ daughter, you must find your own happiness. So I started my way to look for it. So now, I’m looing for my way.
This is where my Camino starts!
